Lifestyle
10 Reasons Why Haters Hate & How to Deal with Them
Sunday, January 04, 2015
To the haters, with love.
Now here's a topic to set your heart racing!
Now here's a topic to set your heart racing!
As the online world grows, the haters grow with it. The cyberworld we all live in has made it much easier for haters to not only exist, but also offers them a platform to vent their hatred and make an impact on the lives of their intended victims. It goes without saying that it takes far less courage to hurl insults from behind the security blanket of a screen than direct to someone's face.
We've all seen it happen, and we've probably all had it happen to us. Browsing through Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr or even taking a peek at one of the various gossip forums out there. Hate. Real hatred for a person, totally uncalled for. Whether we like it or not, when a person chooses to post something online, they've taken a brave step. They've put themselves out there, they've put their face out there, their style, their choices, their opinions. Yet occasionally they'll receive hate in response.
There are so many potential reasons as to why someone has chosen to resort to the measures of commenting with such hatred, either anonymously or otherwise, or spreading vicious rumours behind your back or even starting a vendetta against you. Whatever the reason, I find it to be terribly, terribly sad.
Not to go all 'Buzzfeed' on you, but I've listed some of the key factors behind such hatred and some advice on how to combat it. I'm sure some of these will really strike a chord with each person that reads this, so I hope that this post proves useful, and of course I'd be really interested to hear the kinds of hatred you've had to put up with, and how you've coped.
So, in no particular order, here are the 10 main reasons for haters hating:
1. It's easier to hate someone else than to fix the issues in their own life
There are haters out there who just don't want to or can't face up to their own issues or their own deficiencies. Let's face it, confronting something that's going wrong in life isn't easy. It takes bravery and courage to look at your issues in the eye and beat them, bravery that haters just don't possess. The easy way out is to focus their energies on hating someone else, to give them a temporary sense of well-being.
2. The Curse of the Green Eyed Monster
Quite an obvious one really! You've been on the receiving end of some hate and your friends have all told you it's just jealousy on their part. You've nodded and agreed, but deep within it doesn't really help much, they're your friends, they have to say that. NO! It's true. Haters are generally jealous creatures. They can't stand that you have something they want, and that ranges from being able to afford that dress they've been lusting after, or a talent you have.
They hate that you have what they desire and for that reason they'll do whatever it takes to 'balance things out'. Whatever you do, don't let them bring you down to their level. Because the fact of the matter is, you're awesome!
3. Because They Can't Be You
These haters love everything about you. They want to be you. But they can't. There are 7 billion people on the face of the earth, each one of us an individual, but these haters don't treat themselves as such. They want to go by your mottos, live by your rules, do the things that you do, wear the clothes that you wear, even something as minuscule as wearing the same perfumes as you, they just want to live your life!
But they will never admit this to themselves, never mind to anyone else. And you know, there's no problem with people trying to emulate parts of you, but the problems arise when that person tries to be you and inevitably begins to fail at it. Their failure provokes self-loathing, and the best way for them to cover that up is to direct hatred at the person they so desperately tried to be. Don't sweat it though, you're clearly so awesome that they've chosen to devote their time and energy towards emulating you, but they failed!
4. Too Much Time On Their Hands
Imagine having so much free time in your life that you can spend hours at a time looking at everything someone else has posted, analysing it, scrutinising their every word, photo and comment looking for that one little chink in their armour. Yes. These are the haters with not much going on in their own lives, so they direct their anger at those who have an awful lot going on. You're obviously a very special person, so special that the haters spend their free time on you - if only they could communicate their admiration in a better way!
Me: "Sassy"
Hater: "Who the fuck does she think she is? She looks like she's wearing a polar bear"
5. They Think You Are Undeserving Of Your Success
This kind of ties in with jealousy, but goes a little deeper. This hater is someone who has the same niche as you, or the same goals as you but it didn't quite come off for them as good as it did for you. They probably put in a bit of effort, but not as much as you. And in their mind's eye, they think that you didn't put in as much hard graft as they did, because you make it look so damned easy! The fact you make it look so effortless just drives them crazy. How dare you?!
6. Former Friends
Ah yes. The revenge of the jilted ex. You two were good friends at one stage, but had a fall out and they just can't get over the past. The fall-out circles around in their brain with every passing moment, so they will try to make you fall, to get their revenge. Rumours will be spread about you, others will be recruited to join in on the vendetta, they will validate their hatred of you by believing the lies and untruths they themselves have fabricated.
They are likely to have been the 'friend' that couldn't sit down and hold an adult to adult conversation with you about anything real. They're the type that will have twisted your words to suit their own agenda, to go behind your back and play the victim.
Truly pathetic, you know you're better than that so don't resort to their level. The truth will always prevail. Fact.
7. Emptiness in Their own Lives
There's something missing in the life of this hater, and it could be anything. It could be a lack of talent, it could be a skill they cannot master, it might be an object they cannot purchase or even a loneliness they cannot deal with. How to fill this gaping hole? Effort and application? No! Setting small goals to hit? No! Putting themselves out there? No!
Obviously, the best way to fill that gap is to make a scapegoat out of you. Just think though, you're performing a public service - your very existence makes someone feel better, sort of, for a while.
8. They Can't Have You
We're entering classic hater territory here, the most abusive of them all. I saw a case of this on Twitter only a couple of days ago - A woman posted a message she received from a male, containing awful, vile insults aimed at her. Why? Because she didn't reply back to his advances.
The online world makes it easy for people to reach out to those they wish they could be with in real life. If you ignore or reject them, the hate comes in thick and fast and is often sickening. There is some good news, you're not alone so don't buckle. Shame them by sharing the abuse using the #EverydaySexism hashtag - you'll find a huge support network you thought never existed. If the abuse is so bad you genuinely fear for your safety, report it to the police.
Above all, just remember - It's not you, it's them. You are not an object created to please others, you are your own person with the right to make your own choices.
9. They're Just Negative
You could say this for all types of hater, but this hater is simply overcome with negativity. On the face of it, they appear to be nice, they appear to be happy and excitable yet it's all a facade. Deep down they are unhappy bunnies, wallowing in their own self-pity. Temporary relief comes in the form of pulling others down into their little spiral of negativity. Their logic sees that it's easier to drag people down to their level than it is to aspire to better themselves.
One simply does not waste a good selfie
10. They Fear What They Don't Understand
10. They Fear What They Don't Understand
Something else I've seen a lot of. Whenever I go out with my gays, they receive the occasional homophobic comment, however online it can often be worse. Instead of that occasional passing comment, it can be come an entire campaign of hatred from groups of people. And this doesn't just apply to sexual preference either, it can apply to anyone who is 'different' to the hater. The hater is afraid of 'different', their small mind cannot cope with it so they attack you. Or of course, they could well be overcompensating for something...
Dealing with the HATERZ
When I first created this blog, I didn't really know what to expect. I didn't expect all that many people to read it and it just grew month on month. It was amazing that people actually took interest in what I had to say, and for me that was empowering. That I, little ol' me, could make a difference.
Of course, as the blog grew, the hate began to come in too. I don't know where it all came from, or why, but I'm certain that some of it is because I'm a Desi girl that goes against the norm - I have a white partner, I dress however the hell I want, I colour my hair, I've pierced my lips and I have freedom. I am incredibly appreciative of the opportunities I've had in this respect, but I also appreciate that not everyone from my background has had this.
From time to time I'd get hate from the Mufti-wannabes, saying how I'm going to hell, stopping their cars and hurling abuse in the street. And from other Desi Girls, judging me solely on my appearance. I mean, can you get any more hypocritical? One guy actually asked me in Urdu : "What happened, did all the Asian men die?" - No mate, they're all like you!
No matter what we do, there will always be people who are unhappy in their own lives, and within that there will be people who try hard to improve themselves and their situations, but also there will be those who do not have the true courage, bravery or will to make that effort. These are the people who become haters, these are the people who will abuse you, spread lies about you, try to hurt you, drag you down and ruin you. But they will fail on two counts. Firstly, you will always be a step ahead of them, as they can only ever respond to what you do, and secondly, their attempts will only ever satsify them temporarily. They will still be unhappy, no matter how many people they hate on.
To deal with the haters, you just have to be yourself. Don't change your style or way of life on their account. You are a special person, with talents, abilities, work ethic and people who care about you. Keep plugging away, keep doing the best you can do.
The ultimate way to defeat your haters is to be successful. That is what they hate the most.
Love,
Lima
XO
21 comments
Anyone who works for it, deserve their success but people would rather sit and say why them and not me instead of working towards bettering themselves. It's easier for them to bring down someone to their level.
ReplyDeleteSingle white female (not necessarily white) but yeah that jealous former ex friend. Wanting to hurt you even more than necessary. It becomes an obsession, uncomfortable for the person on the receiving end and quite sad for that person doing it cos they probably need a lot of help after deluding themselves and others around.
Yes for someone to go out their way to hurt someone and be a typical hater they are just purely negative. We can all be negative with life at some point but their lives revolve negativity. It's what they breathe and live off. Without it they don't feel productive. - Sad but true.
Negativity really pours from someone when they don't understand people or situations. Instead of learning to understand or respect it and leave it like that, they'd rather put their negative stamp on it.
Very sad that hating has to exist as some people cannot cope with the negativity and that's where lives are broken and taken but with a lot it fuels them to push harder cos like that quote says, have you ever met a hater doing better than you?
BTW :- I like Buzzfeed lmao.
Great post and one for those to think about and hopefully it'll help others going through haters in their lives whatever their situation.
Haters don't have a life. Live yours to the fullest! Haters are going to always hate.
LimaMonroe xo
Finally getting around to replying to the comments!
DeleteIt is sad how some would prefer to snipe at successful people rather than try to build their own success, which one works out better in the long run? I think you're right, hating becomes a way of life for these people, it's much easier for them to hate than to focus on their own shortcomings.
The former friends also tend to do that really annoying thing of dragging other people into this non-existent conflict they've created in their mind, then they hide behind the people they've drafted in and try to make you look like the bad guy.
And yes, we can all be negative at times but we are in control of that, haters have long since lost control and let that drive them. I wish it wasn't the case that hating existed, but c'est la vie - gotta beat 'em ;)
LimaMonroe xo
I hate that there even has to be a post about this! I always think the best way is to ignore it. Constructive criticism is fine and helpful but blatant nastiness is just unnecessary. Some very sad people out there who spend their time trying to knock down other people
ReplyDeletesheepishlyshameful.blogspot.co.uk
I hated having to write it, but realise there are victims out there who feel completely unsupported. That's a dark place to be in and can have long lasting consequences. We should all welcome constructive criticism, as it's designed to help us out, but there's no place for such nastiness! Maybe the haters ought to get out more? ;)
Deletexo
Ok Do you have a spy over here in Ireland!?! I read that post nodding the whole time and it's exactly what I needed to hear :) I had issued last year with someone and signs on its not going to end anytime soon and every point you made above is one that someone has said to me or I realised myself. I was talking to fellow bloggers recently about how I'm not sure if I want more success with the blog because of the haters out there. I'm a big softie and take things to heart, letting them affect me too much and after having time to chill and think over Christmas, I'm ready to bring it on and kick bloggy ass! I've been a longtime fan of yours and love how confident you are. You know who you are and don't apologise for that and this post has inspired me to do the same :) thanks lady!
ReplyDeleteEmailed you sweetie pie! :)
Deletexo
Fantastic post! Summed it all up so succinctly and powerfully,
ReplyDeleteHappy new year <3
X Emma | www.missemmacharlotte.com
Thank you, I hope the haters haven't been hating on you!
DeleteHappy new year to you too sweetie <3
xo
I love you, you sassy minx! Xxx
ReplyDeleteILY too darling, hope the wifey doesn't see this ;)
Deletexo
Great post! You really summed up everything. I have been at the end of a hater and to be honest I just brushed it off and didn't give them the attention they were so desperately craving xx
ReplyDeleteCharli | Beauty and Lifestyle Blogger at CHARLI B
Good, that is of course the best way to deal with them - starve them of oxygen (not literally, of course!)
Deletexo
Thank you SO much for this wonderful post, it's come at the perfect time! :)
ReplyDeleteI started my new blog a few days ago, and all of a sudden I've had a bunch of views and all these nasty comments! Their insults were pretty ridiculous (I think it was mostly kids) but I really wasn't expecting anything like that, and it really got me down! Thankfully I'm feeling more positive now though, and will keep on doing my thing! :) xx
You are most welcome, sweets!
DeleteWow, if you've attracted some hate within your first few days you must be doing something right! Keep your chin up and power on through it - I notice you haven't blogged since your comment, hope you've not given in just yet.
xo
So sassy haha I love it! I'm not too well known in the bloggersphere so hopefully I won't get too many hate comments! D: Scary!
ReplyDeleteThis is a really interesting and as you say yourself 'empowering' post. You're right, people do behave in all the wrong ways online. It's like basic etiquette goes out the window. Thankfully I have yet to encounter such a problem but I am glad you have found ways to deal with it and have shared them with everyone for others to remind themselves they're not the only ones. I don't know if this would interest you but I actually interviewed a psychologist about this and similar behaviour and there's a post all about it on my blog if you wanted a read.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
Love your positive outlook on haters - sometimes it's hard not to get them down!
ReplyDeleteLaura | FASHION, EATS & TREATS
I'm lucky that I've never experienced hate on my blog, but then again I'm not particularly big in the blogging world. It's a shame that people have to experience it. I got bullied all through school, the hate is similar to this. Just jealousy over freebies instead of good grades. Lol! Just rise above it :)
ReplyDeleteWow what an in-depth post! So wonderful that you can be who you want to be and balls to whatever the haters think! Personally I think it comes down to jealousy! It takes a lot to be who you are, dress the way you want etc and some people are just totally jealous of that! Keep on being you :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment, I think that jealousy plays at least some part in it though there are some pretty complex characters out there with some deep-rooted personal issues too. Like one of the other commenters said, constructive criticism is great, but outright negativity goes in one ear and straight out the other!
DeleteKeep on being you too!
xo
I love this so very true!!! love how real you keep life. It is refreshing to see. xxx
ReplyDelete